i'm a walking contradiction

number one .

I’m finally done with work . Handing back my uniform tomorrow together with all th staff items . Working with them wasn’t much a pleasure but some of th temp stuffs have been really nice . I’m going to miss fighting with Daisy cause of shoes . I’m going to miss my pinoy sister , Trexia and my pinoy kuya , Erwin . I’m going to miss wrapping lots and lots of presents for customers . I’m going to miss th train ride to work and back home . I’m going to miss Magrib , sneaking around with him . Going to miss th way he looks at me everytime i walked by his counter . But don’t worry , we’re still going to meet each other . I’m going to miss th cashiers who have been real nice , patient and understanding . I’m going to miss th thrill of sneaking off from work hours for smoke breaks . But most of my batch are gone too , so no point staying either . Wan , Wilfred , Nurul , Jie Lin . Most of my closest are resigning too . But one thing tht i’m really looking forward to is that , i won’t have to see th two supervisors face anymore . I’m really over and done with them . So , miss me when i’m gone . :)

ily ~

I’m on off tomorrow ! Like finally , prolly hitting Sentosa to tan with Aunt again tomorrow . Or maybe just stay at home and sleep cause its been such a long time since i did some catching up with my sleep . Gees . Work was okay , took th day off cause of some stupid issues . Had supper with Aunt and her boyf at Bukit Timah . Planned to drink but was too tired , we postponed it to next week . Eversince i started working , my eating time has been haywire causing me to lose so much weight . Ironically , i hate not eating right cause it just makes me feel sick . Had dinner with Magrib and smoked for half an hour . Sat there talking th whole time . Words travel so fast around Tangs ey ? People have been talking about how th both of us are dating and if he’s my boyfriend or something . Gees . You have to learn to get a life people . Tsk ! I’m off to catch some sleep now . Gdnites !

nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore.

Big Day for Tangs tomorrow . Closed Door Promotion , only for Tangs members . There will be 12% rebate for th second purchase so come down to Tangs , members ! I’ll be stationed at Tang+Co , Level 2 . It’s the designer label counter . I’m like super honoured please ! Haha , thanks Kak Yus ! :D

Th Create Talent modelling agency called me just now . I have to come down on Saturday . Part of me wants to turn down th offer , th other part of me wants to go and try out . I’m still undecided . It sucks to be in a dillema aye ? Anyways , there will be a slight delay for my pay this month cause of some errors . Bloody hell . I’ll only get my pay on 5th december :( So for them who get their pay before me , faham fahamkan ah . Hahaha ! :P

th star of your show .

” I love you as high as th himalayas mountain in tibet , as high as th tallest building in dubai ” - E♥

Work was exhausting today . I mean since when it isn’t ? Haha . Magrib was really nice just now . Was at his counter all th way , kept making me laugh and smile . Sheesh . Shopped at Tangs and spend about $50 plus . But it was worth it , its been so long since i’ve did my shopping . As soon as i get my pay , i’m going to get my Paris Hilton bag and th LV bag mom has been eye-ing on . See , i’m such a filial daughter . :P Wan called me while i was working and asked me to meet him at th smoking corner . He said he need to talk . Boy , i didn’t know where i was leading you to . But you’re my best friend , th person whom i always confide in . I didn’t know i gave you th wrong signals . What i said just now was what i really meant . I like you alot as a friend , and move on . You know what’s best for you okay ? :) Was stopped by this person from th modelling agency this morning . Hahaha , felt so retarded cause i was seriously rushing -.- ! Heading to Sentosa with Cik Mel and her soccer friends . It’s been so long since i’ve met her group of soccer guys . Gonna catch up on my sleep now . Nites Darlas~

I’ve decided to switch back to tumblr because i’m like gatal like that . Haha . Most of my previous archives are in here so if you’re someone like ‘manynames’ or E! , do feel free to browse okay ? :P

I took th day off because i was so exhausted . Couldn’t wake up and decided to call th RM and my agent , telling them i’m not coming for work . They sound a bit unhappy but i couldn’t care less . End work at 7.30pm yesterday . Met E♥ after work and he send me back home . E♥ is my favourite boy but besides that , i’m still single , people . :P So that guy downstairs , you still stand a chance . Hahahaha , kidding people , kidding . Working till 11 pm tomorrow ! But luckily Maghrib is working , cause he always makes me smile and laugh . Since he only works during weekends , i miss him like hell :( Hope Ateh is working tomorrow too :D And th best part is , both th very noisy nyonyas are not working tomorrow . Hopefully , it wld be happily ever after ! God willing .

And to you girl , you have to learn where you stand . Don’t go around , letting your mouth loose like that cause if it gets to loose , th only thing that is going to enter is my foot . Once again , learn where you stand . I’m not intimidated by you , i don’t see a reason why i should . Like i’ve said , i know where i stand and i know it pretty well . But one thing for sure , you don’t deserve to be next to me darling . If i’m a bitch , then i’m th best bitch in town okay darlas ? ~ XOXO . I am better than you in every way . Now , swallow and digest that .

Ever had a taste of perfection ?

Insomnia hits me right now and i can’t turn to my sleeping pills cause th bottle is empty . My mother have kept all th medicines out from my reach and its nerve-wrecking . I drowned my sorrows on a can of Heineken and its still not enough . Whats becoming of me ?  It aches so bad , but then i didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry . I’ve been crying for th past few months and i’m one step further before finally outgrowing from this stage of grieving . I wanted to tell him how my tears didn’t roll , but i wouldn’t put my pride in jeopardy . To actually hear his voice again might set this wall tumbling down . Maybe its not th right time , yet .

Press rewind , back to th day we first share th kisses that brings th warmth of th sun . Then pause at th places where my heart beats fast when you touched me . Like th cool breeze when a wave crashes onto th rocks of th ocean , that’s how it feels like when you’re with me . Now i’m drowned in regrets , suffocating for air . No , this tears won’t roll . It won’t fall like raindrops , this grey cloud won’t linger for long . It will go away , soon . Assurance , is all i need .

I feel like crumbling down right now . I’m still wearing part of our ring . It brings back tears that i’ve held for so long . It brought back th good times we shared . Th look of your amazed face when th ring could actually be parted into two and you wanted a piece of it . Th time when i’m pissed drunk and we got silly together . Th vain faces we make when we’re walking pass a mirror . But one thing , i wish didn’t happen was when you slept with my bestfriend . When you make out with some girls . It outweighs th good times we had .

& Because of that , i’m not going to let anyone enter . I’m tired of dissapointments . Every late night cryings . Th fear of being cheated over and over again . Th heart breaks , th insecurities . Th never ending doubts . Th fights . Th ugly truth . Just let me live in denial and i shall be fine .

I want to know what love is.

To be honest , my life is leading no where right now . I’m covered with books , constant text msgs with different guys . Slacking at void decks till dusk . I feel like a different person after th breakup with Fad , i have to admit . I don’t know how longer can i contain this inside of me . This emotion its boiling , overflowing and i can’t do anything to push it aside . This emotion cauldron is hazardous , i dont know if i should let it burn into a million horrible things . I don’t want to be in love . I hate how it puts you on a pedestal but in th end , you’ll be lying face flat on th ground . Call me selfish but i learn from all th shitty rship i used to be in .

As for you Fad , i hope one day you’ll meet th girl you love whole heartedly , with no hesitations . You’ll love her more than you love yourself . She’ll be th first thing in your mind when you wake up in th morning . She’ll be th reason to your smile on your face . And when you’re in love with her , you’ll be able to taste rainbow at th tip of your tongue . Her kisses will make your knees turn jelly and her touch will send an electric jolt to you . Her voice will be your lullaby and you’ll spend all night lying in bed , talking to her th way you used to lie in bed with me . And then what i really hope is that one day , you’ll find her with another guy . She’ll ignore your msgs and calls . And when you touch her , you don’t feel th warmth anymore . When th both of you make love , you’ll realise she wasn’t th girl you fell in love with in th first place . I hope she crashes your heart into a million tiny pieces and th crucifying sound of your heart breaking will be my lullaby . Every word tht comes out from her mouth wld be like a slap on your face to remind what you had done to me . And lastly , when you try to kiss her i hope she bites you and you’ll choke on her blood . I love you baby .

I’m not going to go running back to you . I don’t need you with me anymore . I have my 50 pills of flu pills and two bottles of my cough medicine to accompany me on this solitude night . I hate you , baby .

be th one .

Its th second day i’m absent from school . My throat is still sore and i feel like dying please . =( Neverthehoo , yesterday was awesome . Met th bloods at MakBusu’s place for Raya . We chilled there untill 11.30pm like that . I’ll upload th pictures pretty soon cause camera is with Mama . I’m not sure where she kept th camera . Despite waking up quite late , i’m still feeling sleepy . Must be due to th cough syrup i took . So many people are falling sick . I have to recover soon . Nlevel is drawing near . Speaking of that , i shall go mug for physics now . Bye ~

I can’t wait for th 3rd of october ;D;D